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May 1, 2013
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Step One: Characters and Their Roles

First thing you need to know is who the heck you’re even writing about. When picking a couple from any fandom, their canon relations generally don’t even matter in your fanfiction. They could be best friends, worst enemies or complete strangers. Crack pairing? Do it. I’ll get to how the hell it will make sense in a minute. Just choose a hot (or not) pairing already. Once you’ve got a pairing chosen, you just need to decide on their roles in the relationship.

Generally in most boyxboy couples there will be a dominant partner (known as the seme) and a submissive partner (known as the uke). So how do you know which is the seme or the uke? Well, most semes and ukes are identified by the following characteristics;

SEME: Shorter hair, taller, more masculine, smaller eyes, physically stronger or more athletic, protective, older, ‘macho’

UKE: Shorter, longer hair, more feminine than the seme, larger eyes, physically weaker or smaller, timid, jealous

Of course the whole seme and uke thing can be bullshit. Most times I find either couples are way too easy to define who’s clearly dominant, or they’re not clear at all. Both males can have similar roles or even switch back and forth. There are also semeukes and ukesemes and badassukes and so on. It’s just way easier to make your couple a seme and an uke because then you can just forget all about their roles when you really want to mess with your readers.

So what about characters who AREN’T your couple? They’re literally nothing more than plot devices or some form of comic relief. But mostly plot devices. Especially females, since in a yaoi fanfic they have no other use than to be comic relief or a plot device. Other than that, no other characters will ever matter other than plot devices.

Step Two: Believable Relationship

Remember when I said you can do a crack pairing? Well, you need to at least TRY to make the relationship believable. I mean really, you’ve got two straight guys who absolutely hate each other, and you’re trying to write about them hooking up and having some hot sex. Yeah, that’s why that stuff isn’t canon; it’ll make no damn sense unless there’s a decent backstory.

There has to be a REASON they’re suddenly together. Whatever the plot of your fanfic is, the couple’s relationship has to go slow, and they have to like each other a little bit more (or lust for each other, whatever floats your boat) gradually. Not instantly. And even then there still has to be a good reason they’d suddenly just start falling in love or lust. It’s gotta make sense. You could take advantage of something between them that’s already canon or totally make it up, it just needs to be logical.

Also, keep them as in character as you can. Now this is totally easy to not do if one of them is a silent protagonist or something with no known personality, but generally they should be as in character as you can get. Now if one guy is a total dick, keep him a dick. Don’t make him suddenly all Mr. Nice Guy, even to his lover. Actually if he’s a dick, the protective-but-still-trying-to-act-tough-and-insensitive approach is usually a good option if he’s also the seme or just generally dominant.

Step Three: Lemons

Lemons make up half of the fanfic. If you want to keep it PG, just don’t even write a lemon and skip this step. If you want to write a lemon, do read on. Now if you’re afraid of being reported or some crap, which generally shouldn’t happen as long as you have a mature content warning, then you could try submitting your lemon separately and just posting a link in an actual chapter when said lemon occurs.

Now as for writing the lemons themselves, most of them are all the same, so you should be able to find some good reference anywhere on the internet.  Most lemons take place within one of the partner’s household, either in the bedroom or on the livingroom sofa or in the shower. If you want to switch things up a bit, go right ahead.  Now when it comes to lemons in the bedroom, they’re pretty basic. It’s like the stuff you’re taught about in seventh grade.

First of all, if the couple is already in the bedroom when it ain’t bed time, then odds are they’re already kissing. There are different kinds of kisses, so be sure to explain what the heck it is they’re doing; simple kissing, using tongue, whatever. Then usually the dominant one will remove the submissive’s clothing and start kissing and touching their bodies, and then messing with the submissive’s no-no zone. Then comes the part your readers have been waiting for, which I don’t need to explain.

When you’re writing a lemon, especially one that seems basic at first, you should be very descriptive. Write about the feelings of both guys, or at least everything they’re physically doing. Don’t you dare pull a ‘they kissed, touched and f*cked all night’ on your readers. We don’t care if you’re a twelve year old virgin writing your first fanfic, we want some damn hot lemons. If you’re so awkward that you can’t even write a lemon, why are you writing a yaoi fic in the first place?

Alright if it’s that bad for you and you still want to write a lemon, experiment first. Practice. I recommend reading plenty of lemons and writing your own oneshots. Keep doing that until you get the hang of it. Then go for it. Now what was I gonna say earlier? Oh yeah, the shower. When there’s a lemon in the shower, you get to skip the whole tedious bit of the guys removing their clothes and you can get down and dirty.

There are two types of shower lemons; the more common being up against the wall, and then there’s on the floor of the tub. That’s why showers are better than baths; you get to do more fun things in the shower. Anyway, so shower lemons. It’s like bedroom lemons but with even more kissing and touching and sex because the clothes are already off. And there should be lots more tongue. And the chances of a blow job happening in the shower is, like, tenfold than in the bedroom. And people believe anything they read.
So all you need to remember about lemons are these steps:

-Kiss

-Kiss w/tongue

-Neck kissing

-Bondage (Optional)

-Remove shirt

-Yay nipples and abs

-Dick time

-Going all the way

And that’s about it for lemons. Now moving on…

Step Four: Tragedy

If you really want to have a good fanfic with decent plot, you need to torture your couple and rip the hearts out of your readers. Trust me; all the best authors do this. J.K. Rowling and Suzanne Collins did it. You know what Shakespeare does? He makes everything seem happy and resolved in the middle, then, BAM! SOMEONE GETS HURT BADLY AND EVERYTHING GOES TO SHIT. And people eat that shit up.

So somewhere in the middle of your fanfic just when everything is good and it seems there’ll be a happy ending, BOOM—TRAGEDY MUTHAF*CKAS. Pull a Shakespeare on your readers! You might think they’ll hate you for it, but in truth they’ll just want to read your fanfic even more and they’ll only be able to wait so long for the next chapter. Oh, and when tragedy strikes, ESPECIALLY leave a cliff hanger or two. It keeps readers on the edge.

Now what sort of tragedy will destroy the hearts of your readers? Well, one that has been used for ages is rape. Some scum bag character that has already been introduced (or a complete stranger) will act as a plot device and rape the submissive partner. It’s sad, emotional, heart-wrenching but arousing at the same time if you write a decent rape lemon. Usually after the rape the dominant partner will be comforting the submissive and probably go out and hurt the rapist.

Now rape’s been used almost too much, so if you use it, make it brief. Don’t extend it. Other tragedies include:

-Injuries

-Death

-Illness

-Kidnapping

-Some sort of involvement with a gang/drug dealers

Step Five: MPreg

Now there are some people who get disturbed by this sort of thing, so including this is risky and may be a turn-off for some readers. But then again, it’s all about shock factor half the time. Now look, if a guy gets prego, then the baby is always unexpected. So this in itself is gonna cause drama (see: Step Four). The mama is gonna get SUPER stressful and shit. So imagine that bitchy cousin of yours on her period after she just got dumped and has to babysit you. Yep. That would be a fraction of what the pregnant daddy feels.

As for the not prego daddy (unless they’re both prego?) he’s also going through shit. He’s wondering how the f*ck his boyfriend got prego in the first place while trying to deal with him. Now as for the baby itself, if one parent hates the kid, then that’ll cause a lot of good drama. If both parents hate the kid, make one end up loving the kid after a while. If both parents love the kid, PULL A SHAKESPEARE AND MAKE EVERYTHING GO TO SHIT. Kill the kid or lose the kid or do something to one of the parents or something (See: Step Four)

Step Six: In Closing

There are three possible endings.

HAPPY ENDING: Typically a Disney ending. If one guy dies, make the surviving partner feel like they’re in a better place or something. If they lost a baby, make them have another. Overall just do something to make everything all better.

SAD ENDING: Death. Even if there’s a break up or something, there has to be death.

WTF ENDING: FORGET EVERYTHING I TOLD YOU AND F*CK SHIT UP. Rape around every corner, hundreds of babies, the most wtf-instant-crack pairing, words that don’t even exist, just F*CK SHIT UP.
It's really not as hard as you think. So, to summarize this all:
-Stereotype the partners and their roles in the relationship and make one clearly stronger than the other
-Females and all other characters are only plot devices
-Make it believable
-Hot sex
-Pull a Shakespeare
-Babies (Optional)
-Happy/sad/wtf ending

EDIT: About characters... no Gary-sues. I forgot to mention that. Make sure your characters have flaws, don't make everything so easy and perfect, don't make everyone fall in love with them (leave that to your readers)

Also, I've concluded that there are more endings than happy, sad and wtf:
-Coma Theory: Someone wakes up from a coma/dream and apparently none of your fanfic actually happened. This is the worst ending ever and people will hate you for it. Never do this.

-Break-up: Sort of like a sad ending, but generally angry. The couple breaks up, the end. Your readers will hate you for this too.
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:iconthekagenogehenna:
TheKagenoGehenna Featured By Owner Apr 23, 2014
Holy shit , I  was laughing  the whole way through.Thank you!!!! I'll defiantly remember these tips!!!!  
Reply
:iconkulay-abo:
Kulay-Abo Featured By Owner Apr 20, 2014
I so have this covered...
but how do you do it with animals ;w;

With lemons, you already feel all like " how do I do this " and then with some shit like cats or something your even more like
" what the fuck is wrong with me "
I mean, I know about cat sex ( oh god that's a little weird to say ) of how penises have barbs.... but it's not going to be rape ( or painful ), so I sort of have to ignore most of that fact. It's going to be cat yaoi ( what ) too, and most situations are with dominance and lack of females in the area...
so I'll pretty much have to go
" SCREW LOGIC AND SCIENCE
NO ONE NEEDS THAT SHIT "


im so confused ;W;
Reply
:iconredxgreenftw:
RedXGreenFTW Featured By Owner Apr 20, 2014  Student General Artist
Uh.... I'm not even into cats so I'm afraid I have no idea how to help you there.
Reply
:icontheanimegal:
TheAnimeGal Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
"Pull a Shakespeare"

"BOOM—TRAGEDY MUTHAF*CKAS"

"-Yay nipples and abs
-Dick time"

"WTF ENDING: FORGET EVERYTHING I TOLD YOU AND F*CK SHIT UP. Rape around every corner, hundreds of babies, the most wtf-instant-crack pairing, words that don’t even exist, just F*CK SHIT UP."

I f*cking love you. XD
You're so fricken funny...
Reply
:iconredxgreenftw:
RedXGreenFTW Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2014  Student General Artist
Haha, why thank you X3
Reply
:iconpokespebanette:
PokeSpeBanette Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2014  Hobbyist Writer

that last bit

 

 

i choked on my damn- what was i eating?- and died

 

i'll say hi to whatever dead pets you got!

Reply
:iconclockworkemotion:
ClockworkEmotion Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2013  Student General Artist
Haha was reading this just before writing a Storm Hawks fic, and suddenly I started reading in Storks voice (if you watched it you would know XD)
Reply
:iconredxgreenftw:
RedXGreenFTW Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2013  Student General Artist
Dude, I loved that show XD Wait, is it still on???
Reply
:iconclockworkemotion:
ClockworkEmotion Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2013  Student General Artist
Unfortunately not :( But I found out that my dad had the first season so I started watching it. It was a great show XD 
Reply
:iconredxgreenftw:
RedXGreenFTW Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2013  Student General Artist
Dude, he does? Lucky...
Reply
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